Journey into the beautiful

At first, it's devastating. You're overwhelmed by the new surroundings, and terrified you'll never, ever be able to leave. But by each new day, taking small steps...you're learning to survive. You adapt, you get stronger, deep breathe in deep breathe out You Got This! Eventually, you build quite a little raft to sail yourself back to reality. You're greeted with great excitement, and everyone comments on how you good you look..that beautiful glowing skin and inner peace. You have no desire to return back, but you look back as the place where you grew in to a better person. Fear is not at all like being stranded on an island with an awesome self help book. After Micah was born, I was gifted with darling oneies and postpartum depression.It felt as though someone just thrown me into a room, door locked, key thrown away. Just me. Alone. My initial reaction was confusion. How did I get here? Is it because I haven't processed the death of my mother and my ...

Well...I'm super behind on writing everyday! Bear with me. Running. Feet pounding the earth, heart pounding in the ears. Tears filled with disappointment...feet pounding driving her to a place far away. From the looks of things jealousy, hatred, and contempt filled her heart...so much anxiety. Mistreated, vulnerable, uncertain and scared....what else was there do but run?? This is the story of Hagar. I see myself in her.  Fuming of frustration. A promise was no given, but no blessing in sight. Faith is growing weary. Why, why must you make me wait? Jaded and burn out, bitterness storing up and lack of trust was in heart.  This is the story of Sarai. I see myself in her. I am not stranger to fear. No, I have not been a slave, I have not been mistreated and abused. But I have experienced the kind of fear, the kind that both paralyzes you and tells you that the the only ways to escape is to RUN! I am no stranger to fear. It is sneaky, it slithers its way into my life ...

It is the beginning of October! There is a freshness in the air...maybe not in California because of the smog...but you get what I mean... It did not take me long to choose a topic to explore because it is a topic that is so pertinently on my mind almost everyday. It is a topic that shakes me, and to be completely honest...this is a topic that is at the root of every mistake, sin, and worried thought...any guesses to the topic? FEAR Anyone else struggle with it? Do you feel its icy breath when you want to try something new, initiate in relationships?? I'm coming to realize that I do not have to be its slave. I'm free to struggle, but I'm not overcome. Moreover, I'm not made to struggle alone. So today begins with me exposing of my struggle for you to see. Today begins an invitation to you to join me. Today begins with me doing one thing that scares me...today begins 30 days of writing and exposing FEAR and how it relates to me. Will you join in? xoxo ...